Atheism Jokes

This is a pretty funny video of stand up comedian Dane Cook.

Atheism Jokes

A Evolutionary scientist finally discovered how to make life in the laboratory.  It was his crowing achievement.  He decided to brag about it and it got the attention of everyone, including God. 

One evening God paid the scientist a visit at his home.  After the shock of discovering God really does exist, the scientist proceeded to tell God how we don’t need him because “we can now make life ourselves in the laboratory.” 

God, decided to play along and ask the scientist to demonstrate.  With a bit of excitement the scientist agreed.  “Well, first…” the scientist began, “…you take some dirt…”  Before the scientist could go any further God abruptly interrupted and said; “No, No, No… get your own dirt!”

Atheism Jokes

An atheist was walking through the woods. “What majestic trees”! “What powerful rivers”! “What beautiful animals”! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look.

He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”

Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer”?

The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian”?

“Very well,” said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

“Lord bless this food which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

Atheism Jokes

A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God.

Addressing the ceiling he shouted: “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!” The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall.

Ten minutes went by, nothing happened.  Again he taunted God, saying, “Here I am, God. I’m still waiting.” His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a student walked up to where the professor was standing and pushed him off the platform.

Shaken but unhurt, the professor looked at the student, who was on her way back to her seat and shockingly asked, “Why did you do that?” Without hesitating the student said: “I’m God’s messenger.  God was busy so he sent me.”

Atheism Jokes